I said YES and God remembered

Have you had a moment where you can remember something so vividly yet you can't remember if it was a vision, a dream or if it really happened? There are many things about my childhood that I don't remember but there is one memory that has stuck with me and has never left.

It was roughly between the age of 11-14, for some reason the age of 11 always pops my head when I think of this memory. I was sitting in church (same church I attend now) and I was watching my Pastor at the time, she was preaching. Don't really know what she was preaching about but I remember seeing myself sitting towards the middle of the church, attentively paying attention to her and out of nowhere I hear a young girls voice, it was my voice. As I play close attention I hear myself utter these words, "Lord, when I grow up, I want to do what she does", with a smile on my face. I can honestly say that this memory didn't come to life until I became older.

With that said, lets fast forward a bit. I begin to get involved in the girls' choir and for a short season, at the age of 15 would stay over my pastors house. I remember how she would drill the word of God into my mind and the importance of always seeking God. Time passed and eventually at the age of 16 decided I wouldn't continue to go to church. I could honestly say I never turned to drugs, alcohol, smoking, or none of that. But I did turn to one thing, the one thing that as a little girl I always sought, LOVE and approval. 

I met the cutest guy at the age of 17, who is now my lovely hubby ;-) and sought to find in him what only God could give me, unconditional love. I became pregnant with our first daughter at the age of 18 and life just got tougher. We married at the age of 19 and by the age of 21 we had 2 beautiful girls. My husband and I at the time were young, he didn't know much about God, I did but chose to live a different lifestyle. When I had my first little girl I went into auto-mom mode, I became a mom from the moment I became pregnant with her. My husband at the time was still living La Vida Loca (like the song haha). One day I find out that my husband was cheating on me. Never had I felt such a feeling of desperation. With two little girls at home I did the unthinkable. I called him, while on the phone he told me he didn't love me, I was devastated. I went into the bathroom closed the door and told him that I had no reason to live, and took 4 sleeping pills that were in a bottle, which by the way  I never could remember where they came from because I didn't take sleeping pills. The only thing I can remember before I dosed off was my husband rushing into my bathroom yelling my name. When I woke up I was laying next to my 3 month old baby girl. Her tiny little face was on my face literally breathing life back into me. I woke up feeling like I was the most horrible mother in the world and vowed never to do such a thing. At this point you're probably wondering, did you come back to God? Ummm no. I didn't feel worthy enough to do so. Hub came back to me, we had our first baby boy a year after and things weren't getting any better between him and I. He cheated on me again and I had just about enough. Jennifer, who now is my best friend, invited me to a small gathering at a friend's house. My intention was never to go, and that's just what I told her but God' s plans were different. You see I said yes to God at the age of 11, and he never forgot my YES. On that day that my friend invited me to the gathering was the day I found out my husband cheated again and I remember beginning to feel that desperation rise up again. This time God orchestrated a different outcome. That day I would die, but not by suicide, I would die to self, I would die to my will. Well, I made it to the gathering and God was waiting for me. I felt encouraged by the different stories and my friend said, "I think we should pray". We got in a circle and God moved me to pray for the person next to me. You could probably guess what I was thinking. This can't be God, I haven't been to church, I don't seek him, I don't read my bible, you name it I thought it. Again, God never forgot the day I said YES to him. It was then that God took a hold of me, moved me to pray for the woman next to me, baptized me with the Holy Spirit, with speaking in tongues and I have been following him since that day, never turned back. Shortly after my husband was saved. Life of course hasn't been the easiest...... BUT GOD!!!

You see, I forgot I said YES to GOD, but HE never did and He held me to it and with love, He reminded me,  ²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. Romans 3 :23-24